I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
