Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
