I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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