For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
