ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
