Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
