I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
