I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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