who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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