you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
