you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
