Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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