i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
