I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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