Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
