On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
