Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You've changed since you got that strap on
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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