We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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