I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
