I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
