i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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