Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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