just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
