dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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