How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
