i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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