is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
