check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
