God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
