I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
