Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
