I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
