My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
