i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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