When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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