Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
