god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
