i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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