New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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