just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
