my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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