just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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