It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
