this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
