trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
