I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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