god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
