I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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