Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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