She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
FUCK WHALES
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