So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
