Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
