fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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