Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
