A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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