I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The Olympian is in my bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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