My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
