the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
